Papa Cristiano

“I am your father.”

While it’s nice to find out who your father is (assuming you do not know him previously), there are some individuals you never want to hear the above phrase from. Darth Vader, for example, is one of them. Luke Skywalker needed to undergo some serious Jedi meditation to come to terms with that.

How about Cristiano Ronaldo? Though hardly a Dark Lord of the Sith, the 25-year-old captain of Portugal’s national football team is not exactly the best role model for children with his penchant for showboating and his young millionaire party animal lifestyle. 

However, in a Twitter post that shocked the world, the world’s most expensive footballer announced that he has just become a father.

“It is with great joy and emotion that I inform I have recently become a father to a baby boy. As agreed with the baby’s mother, who prefers to have her identity kept confidential, my son will be under my exclusive guardianship,” read the announcement.

Sure, he has the means to raise a child, or a small African nation, but don’t forget that this is a man who is known for his party lifestyle and his womanizing ways. His little black book(s) includes a host of underwear models and socialites, such as Paris Hilton.

Will Cristiano Ronaldo make a good father? Should we envy or pity the child? We offer 5 reasons for and against, and we’ll let you be the judge.

5 Reasons Cristiano Won’t Make a Good Dad

1. The crying, the temper tantrums… the baby won’t get any rest with all the racket coming from daddy’s room.
2. So the mother of the child is in America, Ronaldo’s own mother is taking care of the child and daddy himself brings home a new lady every other day. This kid is going to have serious mommy issues.
3. Seeing daddy play on television, the baby will think it is alright to fall down for no apparent reason.
4. Ronaldo might get jealous of his teammate when his baby’s first words are, “Koo koo ka ka.”
5. Baby might accidentally swallow some hair gel from the many tubs daddy keeps at home.

5 Reasons Cristiano Will Make a Good Dad

1. With Cristiano’s wealth, that baby’s got it covered from birth all the way to college, assuming he does not inherit his dad’s brains.
2. If he translates his passion on the football field to fatherhood, the baby has a dedicated, hardworking father who is not afraid to take on any challenge that might come his way.
3. Ronaldo himself came from a loving, supportive family. The baby will be brought up and cared for in a nurturing environment.
4. If he needs to discipline his son, Ronaldo can draw from his own experiences with a certain Sir Alex Ferguson.
5. Ronaldo got custody of a baby born to an unknown American woman. Hey, if it works for Michael Jackson, it’ll work for Ronaldo.