VEGANISM isn’t just a diet, it’s a lifestyle. But more than that, the questions meat eaters ask vegans can be so out of control.
It’s like in Mean Girls where Gretchen uses the word”fetch”; meat eaters are the Regina George equivalent: “Stop trying to make veganism happen, vegans!”
Some meat eaters are struggling with the vegan uprising.
Are these questions getting out of hand? Sure. But we say, if ludicrous questions can get both meat eaters and vegans on the same side of diet politics, then that’s one in the books for world peace.
We know — this goes out to meat eaters out there waiting to have their itch scratched. We’re ranking eight of them, from questionable to ridiculous.
08: “OMG, but are you vegan or vegetarian?”
Imagine: Your friend makes a concerted lifestyle change but you ask if he knows the difference. Go on, think that out loud — no, really, if you don’t want an eye roll for a response, don’t ask stupid questions — you sound crazy, too.
07: “But… you’re still kind of fat”
Wow, that’s just 1000 levels of offensive. I don’t see you getting anywhere close to that beach body either with that chicken breast diet of yours, John. Maybe stop declaring your own cheat days and pigging out on Krispy Kremes?
06: “Why not just hit the gym, bro?”
This is just plain rude. Why not just leave vegans alone, bro? Besides, in Internet-speak, you’ll know that the ‘skinny legend’ title is currently one of the highest levels of praise. Have you seen Mariah Carey now? Maybe her secret is a vegan diet too.
05: “Just where do you get your protein fro-“
Stop yourself right there — options like tofu, lentil and beans have always existed, in case you were busy being ignorant. Let this be a PSA made from our goodwill: Protein doesn’t just come from animals.
04: “Why do you even want to be vegan?”
“Climate change is a myth!” you hear MAGA supporters say, supporting a certain president who implies that our scientists have a political bias. Looks like we’ll see vegan political parties in the next election (#sh-tgotreal#veganwhitehouse).
03: “You sure you can give up bacon?”
Look at Wilbur from Charlotte’s Web; he’s thriving because he’s saved from the monstrosity that is the human appetite.
Piglets make adorable pets, and now you want vegans to admit that killing them for bacon grease is supposed to be a good tradeoff? Tragic!
02: “Have you tried eating grass?”
Bet you ten bucks that vegans have tried it at some point. Oh my god, is the human race grazing the fields like cows now?
01: “I heard vegans last longer. Thoughts?”
The legitimacy of this question is as good as a bogus one, but you can trust PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) to roll out a farce such as this (NSFW) to bait meat eaters to throw down their steak knives.
Fine, we’ll admit — fruits and veggies can help with erectile dysfunction.
But to improve sexual performance and virility? Snap out of it, and stop trying to ruin sex for the vegans — you can’t fix something that you’re just bad at.